Cheese, Fall From Grace, and Never Say Never!

(February 3rd and 4th 2006)

In order for this blog to work for me I must be completely honest with myself. I fell from Vegan Grace on one terrible weekend. Though only a month ago it confirmed for me an important lesson that I already knew. Cheese is toxic to me.

Over the prior months I had not slipped or fallen. I was true to my cause. I was committed. During those months I had a frustration grow in me with the world.

Why did everything have animal in it????? Why did I go to a restaurant and only find one or two things on the menu that I could eat? Even when I found them I had to tell the server to hold this and hold that.

(Day One)

That Friday night was a special occasion and we were going out to celebrate. I being the good girl that I am called ahead to find out what I could eat. Huge surprise! I could have a house salad, hold the cheese, hold the croutons.

OK I'll go and have my salad......

We arrived. I opened the menu. The disgust started....

On the entire menu the only thing vegetarian was the spinach and artichoke dip. Of course the only thing vegan was the salad. I got pissed. Not at the menu but more at society in general. Why can't anyone accommodate me? Why do I always have to make concessions?

Well just screw it then!

I order the salad with cheese of course and the artichoke and spinach dip.

(I thought the vegan gods would strike me dead) Cheese in the salad and dip. Cream and other dairy in the dip.

It came. I ate it. It was so rich it almost made me feel sick.

We left the restaurant and the most amazing thing happened. My sinuses started to close up. OMG dairy really was the cause. I had my confirmation now. On the way home my stomach also started to do this grumbling, flip-flop sort of thing.

I felt bad. But I didn't learn my lesson.

(Day Two)

I woke up and lo and behold there was a blister on my finger. The eczema reacted that quickly?

We went out again that night continuing our celebration. Bar food was the fare. I felt such guilt over the night before that without going into the mental state I was in, I ordered the Cheese Sticks with Ranch Dipping Sauce. (I don't even like Ranch)

I liken this experience to an alcoholic that falls off of the wagon, feels guilty and then has one more because they already screwed up.

Again leaving I started to not be able to breath. God am I a moron or what!

(Day Three)
I woke up and felt really bad. Not so much physically but really mentally. I think this was something I had to do at some point. It really made me realize how my body does not tolerate even the slightest amount of dairy. I also needed to realize that the way cheese tasted in my mouth is not the way that I remembered it. It was gritty and slimy all at the same time. It tasted greasy and rich. I know, I know I ate it anyway.

I can only say that since this incident looking at cheese even in the dairy section of the grocery store gives me the creeps like when I see the meat there.

It's only been a month since this event but I feel it was another turning point for me.

It was about a week ago that I went to lunch with my friends. I know how this event has changed me because I ordered the Nachos.

Nachos hold the: cheese, chili, beans (lard), sour cream.

I got a plate of chips with chopped lettuce and tomatoes and a side of salsa. And you know what I did not feel deprived. I felt good. I knew that my choice is my choice. For the good, bad and the ugly what are convictions if you only stand by them when they are convenient?